I have been married now for 13 years, and my Wife knows everything about me. Probably more than I think she knows, which isn’t always a bad thing! She knows my sins, she knows when I am dealing with them, giving in, struggling, and consequently, bringing it all home. I bring it home in the form of anger, acting out on wounds, pride, selfishness, inability to listen, you name it. She has said before that it is almost like there are two Jason’s.
Interesting. Two Jason’s. Can you imagine Friday the 13th with two Jason’s?? But Two Jason’s….I have been thinking about that for quite awhile. She said it years ago, but like a man, I don’t listen to what she is saying. “You’re standing 2 feet from me darling! I hear you!”. We really don’t, but listening is for another article I may write in the future.
So what do I mean by Two Jason’s? I am sure you can imagine what I am referring to, but lets go deep here. Put quite simply and bluntly, when men are actively giving in to masturbation, and pornography, they are a different person than when they are not giving in to it. Chemically, when a man is giving in to something he KNOWS is not right as a believer in Jesus, and consequently has either that orgasm, or is constantly “edging”, he is a different person. I would go so far as to say COMPLETELY different, and NOT in a good way. From personal experience, when I was giving in to my sin, I was more easily angered, grumpy, prideful, and selfish. There was a lot of “if only SHE would do this….if SHE would do that…why doesn’t SHE….” and on and on. Even worse, when my Wife is trying to “get through” to me, and trying to tell me how she is feeling or how I messed up something, the way I PERCEIVE all of it is 100% different than when I am being holy.
See for yourself: go 15-20 days (or for good!!) without giving in to Porn and Masturbation and then have conflict with your Wife. You would think you were channeling your typical pothead stoned out of his mind!! When you are not giving in to those sins and you are living a chaste life, actively pursuing Jesus daily, conflict really doesn’t bother you. You are more able to deal with things at hand that may be stressful or difficult to deal with. I have actually thought when I was younger in our marriage, “SHE needs to give me sex! I need it! Why won’t she do it for me???” Um, Jason, (Jason’s)… have you ever done the dishes for her and cleaned the house up without her asking? From my Wife’s mouth, if you want your Spouse all over you, and not in a bad way, do things like that! You would be amazed! For some men, it may take longer and require more patience, but it will happen. It HAS to!
If you look at the chemicals that are released, it makes sense why there are two Jason’s. Covenanteyes.com talks about this on their website:
When having sex or watching porn, Dopamine is released, and is responsible for having emotion, and learning from things. It gives the person a focus that is sharp, as well as gives them a craving feeling. An example would be a person who struggles with weight seeing a chocolate chip cookie and immediately saying to themselves, “I HAVE to have that. It is what I need right now!” Dopamine supplies a huge sense of pleasure. The next time the person has a desire for more sexual pleasure, (or the cookie!), small amounts of dopamine are released in the brain which tells the person to remember where they had their “fun” and to go there and get it. Dopamine is interesting, and isn’t what you think.
Norepinephrine is released which gives an alertness and a focus. It is much like adrenaline. Covenant Eyes says it is basically the brain saying “Something is about to happen and we need to get ready for it!”
Sex or porn also releases oxytocin and vasopressin, which help to solidify long-term memories to the object that gave them the sexual high.
Endorphins are released which are basically a natural opiate. It brings a wave, (or waves if you are lucky!) of pleasure to the entire body.
After it is all over with, serotonin levels are changed back to normal, bringing you to calm and relaxation.
The best part of their article is when they say, “When having sex or watching porn”…and then they go on to describe what the dopamine does in the body. Where it is interesting is the EFFECTS of dopamine being the same from having sex OR watching porn. When someone, specifically a Christian who is married has had sex with his Wife, the effects of Dopamine are very different than when he is watching porn and masturbating and ultimately having an orgasm. The guilt, the possible shame, the self-hate, anger towards yourself that you take out on others (the first Jason), mainly loved ones, (ironically) happens from these chemical releases. On the flip side, after having sex with his Wife (the good Jason), which releases the same chemicals, there is absolutely NO guilt, shame, self-hate and anger. There is, in fact, a deep calm, and a connection formed emotionally to a man’s Wife, further bonding them together.
There is a Jason on porn, and a Jason on Jesus. Both are complete opposite sides of the spectrum. Which side will you choose?